Quidnunc, whose name comes from the Latin “what now,” is out and about as often as possible to bring you news overheard in elevators, restrooms and spied in various e-mail boxes.

QUID HAS HEARD that given the tenuous condition of democracy from the gilded White House to Aurora’s marginally humble city hall, we’ve turned to public shaming to get things done. Seems Hizzoner Mike Coffman created a Facebook firestorm last week when he posted a photo of part of the front lawn of Rangeview High School in Aurora. Hizzoner pointed out the lawn was a shocking shade of what appears to be green. The hue, he said, was a cue to search for clues. Why so green? Aurora’s impromptu Watergate scandal investigator and now leader of the Aurora Pigment Police relayed the details in his spell-binding social media missive. A quick call to Aurora Public Schools officials from hacks at this rag, however, offered the rest of the story. APS flipped Coffman the Rain Bird and offered a breakdown of how some school lawns may have gotten an occasional extra dose, but overall, the district has worked with the city to reduce outdoor water usage by 20%, which is what the city asked. Your faithful affiant has since motored by a variety of schools, parks, medians, and office buildings, also seeing a wide variety of shades of brown, hazel, umber, beige, buff, tan, fawn, biscuit, camel, mushroom, sorrel, dun, brindle, chestnut, russet — and sometimes sage. Yours truly loves the idea of publicly shaming any business, government, resident or caretaker who dares to irrigate their grass beyond a Pantone Shade of Decayed Palm Leaves, No. 15-035. In fact, your scribe insists Aurora take this to the next level, mud-plastering clean cars or slinging bags of non-recyclable garbage at humans playing golf or putting those who leave undrunk water on their tables at restaurants into public stocks. Once we get our drought-dodgers in line, we can move the Shamus Show onto other public problems. Quid recommends a publicly published Miles Per Gallon registry for all drivers, with those under 18 MPG being read aloud on local TV news each night. From there, we can move on to making public how much time elected officials and adults spend on Instagram and TikTok. The list of needed changes and goals is endless, just like the fun.

AND THAT’S ALL THE NEWS THAT FITS

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