Yeah, yeah, yeah. Enough with the deep-dive questions about how best to navigate the defense and disdain for data centers, or whether you should offer your vote to the candidate who takes campaign contributions from billionaires.

Are you actually willing to spend your vote on someone who doesn’t like dogs? Can you live with yourself for four years voting for a candidate who isn’t willing to pass legislation to clarify whether public toilet paper rolls should unwind over or under?

Of course not. Let Next at 9 News Kyle Clark extract the gory political details about taxes, Trump and tariffs. The Sentinel has the skinny on what you really want to know and need to know to cast your ballot and sleep well forever after. 

Sure, the Sentinel queried candidates for just about every office on a litany of policy questions, but we asked the really hard questions, too: “Are you a cat person, a dog person, both or neither?”

We asked every candidate, “Should toilet paper go over the roll or under the roll?”

Yup, we went there.

And what’s your favorite Colorado cuisine? How about this vote-breaker, “What’s the most exotic food you’ve ever eaten?”

Democratic CD-6 Rep. Jason Crow, running for re-election, has a story to tell.  

“Unpasteurized goat milk ice cream while serving as a paratrooper in Iraq — sickest I’ve ever been,” he said.

Ewwwww.

Democratic Sen. John Hickenlooper can top that.

“While working as a geologist in Kenya, I spent an afternoon with the Maasai, and ‘enjoyed’ cattle blood. Once.”

His Unity Party opponent, Adam Withrow, throws the gauntlet.

“Believe it or not, torta carne asada from Tacos Navarro in Pueblo,” he said. “It can bring back the dead.”

Wow. Let’s offer it for lunch among the Senate members around Christmas and see if it really works.

Libertarian gubernatorial candidate Eric Mulder?
“Donkey ribs.”

Hmmm. Not sure if I want that backstory.

Democratic Attorney General hopeful Jena Griswold inched forward. 

“We eat rather simply in our house – though not really exotic, our favorite food is tacos.”

 Tacos. So daring. With iceberg or leaf lettuce?

Griswold and Arapahoe County Treasurer candidate Michael Westerberg could be lunch buddies.

“I spent the first 22 years of my life in South Dakota, where seasoning consists of salt and pepper,” Westerberg writes. “My Mom still looks at me funny when I say I really like sushi.”

State Rep. Michael Carter, running for re-election to his state House District 36 seat, says, “hold my habanero” with his answer.

“I’m from Texas, so what you call exotic,” Carter says, “I call Sunday Dinner.”

Boom.

Enough to give you election indigestion?

We’ll move on to the important stuff. 

Dogs or cats, folks?

Griswold likes cats, but she votes for dogs.

“Dog person! Ruby is our family’s fluffball in chief,” she says.

Griswold’s GOP opponent Michael Allen doesn’t mince words here.

“Dog person,” Allen said. “I like my pet relationships straightforward: Feed me, throw the ball, take me for a walk, and we’re friends for life.”

State Sen. Iman Jodeh, running for re-election in state Senate District 29, “I love animals, but cats are my weakness.”

OK, let’s get to the deal breaker. Toilet paper roll under or over?

“I try to respect everyone’s differences, but over the roll is the correct answer here,” Hickenlooper said.

This is why the Senate moves so slowly.

It’s more interesting in the House.

Unity Party  6th Congressional District candidate Meredith is ready to vote.

“I switched long ago from under the roll to over the roll,” Meredith Ryan, clearly a convert, said. “I stand firm in the preferability of that.”

Crow is more of a pragmatist.

“I’m just happy if my kids replace the roll when it runs out,” he said.

This, however, is where politics gets serious.

“Over,” Libertarian CD 6 candidate Patty McMahon said. “I mean…what are we, animals?”

Unity Party gubernatorial candidate Jeff Peckman understands the gravity of the matter.
“I’ve given a lot of deep thought to this over many decades,” Peckman says. “Over the roll, because then there’s less likelihood of clumsily jamming one’s finger into the cabinet when grabbing the paper. I hope this crucial safety message will prevent unnecessary harm to the masses of humanity.”

Withrow left his experience showing with his response.

“Over, always, unless you have a cat,” he said.

GOP Attorney General candidate Michael Allen is ready to move on from it.

“Over the top. No hesitation, no ambiguity, and no need for further litigation,” he said.

Griswold waffled.

“I can honestly say I have never been asked that question before,” she said.

She didn’t answer the question. Perhaps an inquiry is in order here. 

Local wonk Arapahoe County Democratic Treasurer Michael Westerberg offered the spreadsheet detail on this.

“Over the top — after all, that is the way the patent was drawn up,” he said.

Rules are rules.

Law enforcer Arapahoe County Democratic Sheriff Candidate Tyler Brown knows the drill.

“Over the top, all day!” he ordered.

His opponent, Republican Kevin Edling, offers a collaborative approach.

“Whichever gets the job done,” he said.

And the outlier out here in A-Town?

State House District 40 Democratic State Rep. Naquetta Ricks, running for re-election.

“Toilet paper should unwind under the roll,” Ricks said, who clearly now has some ‘splainin’ to do.

To her defense, she has a cat.

Need more to feel good about marking your ballot? Check out this year’s 2026 Sentinel Voter Guide.

 Follow @EditorDavePerry on BlueSky, Threads, Mastodon, Twitter and Facebook or reach him at 303-750-7555 or [email protected]

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