Quidnunc, whose name comes from the Latin “what now,” is out and about as often as possible to bring you news overheard in elevators, restrooms and spied in various e-mail boxes.

QUID HAS HEARD that while most of the state freely understands why Colorado Republicans don’t have a prayer in getting their statewide candidates elected these days, GOP leaders are forcing their dwindling faithful to pay through the nose and the wallet to find out why or themselves. Seems that Republican Heidi Ganahl — who turned a successful dog-sitting business into a 38%-of-the-vote wipeout four years ago while running for governor against Jared Polis — is back with another dubious offer for her fellow MAGAloids. Ganahl is planning a right-wing-palooza dubbed Rocky Mountain Freedom Fest at the Douglas County Fairgrounds next week. Ganahl’s pitch makes clear why Colorado Republicans can’t have nice things or elect governors. The two-day bean-fest comes with having to pay between $45 and $5,000 to listen to “two unforgettable days of speakers” including five non-stop hours of fun taking in the wisdom of Ganahl, endless District Attorney George Brauchler, the Douglas County commissioners and fresh out of prison and still out of her mind, Tina Peters! It appears that if you pay an extra $50 for the “Silver Pass” you don’t have to listen to GOP primary candidates like Victor Not-Sure-Who-I-Killed Marx or Scott Everybody’s-A-Pedo Bottoms. And just when you thought Colorado couldn’t get any bluer, these far-right Republicans are celebrating a move to “Back the Blue Bash” with Dog the Bounty Hunter and plates brimming with smoked patriotism. The main attraction not only includes a bouncy house, but late-night-Fox-News-talker Greg Gutfeld with a total Trump tribute and willing to stand next to you for a photo for $5,000. Quid will report back on any survivors.

AND QUID HAS HEARD that the public, the staff and the elected officials at City Hall have combined forces to solve the ghastly crime of Aurora Watergate. Seems the last year or so has produced regular grumbling from those who either have so much passion for local government that they attend every city council meeting, or simply don’t have real lives. The grumbling comes from being stripped at the entrance to council chambers of anything clearly edible or potable. Your faithful affiant has heard the whining first-hand in this glorious newsroom from city-hall hacks who had to throw away quality cheese and pricey iced coffee before being allowed to witness a city council meeting in chambers, live and in person. It appears, however, that some of those in council chambers can sate their taste for liquids and others cannot. On Monday, Aurora’s Chief Complainer MiDian Shoffner had her plastic, ocean-destroying plastic water bottle confiscated. Council Department of War Security guards told her that water must be contained in a fashionable mighty metal or other suitable device. But just a short time later, another in-person council-watcher was admitted with a vulgar and tacky clear bottle of water, possibly imported. The fuse was lighted for the big Watergate explosion by City Attorney Pete Schulte, who left the dais during the confabulation and returned with a tawdry water bottle and drank it in front of everyone. Deeply concerned witnesses in the chamber pointed out that if the threat to public and council safety comes from lobbable devices, a Stanley water bomb is going to hurt a helluva lot more than 6 ounces of spring water in something only slightly thicker than Saran Wrap. Quid would point out the sheer inhumanity of the cataclysm raised if the SS guards were trying to prevent council meeting victims from tipping back a little vodka to get them through the council marathons. After an emergency consultation, the world was relieved to hear that, from this day forward, water in a crude bottle or a $300 garish container are allowed in council meetings. Quid would remind the city’s elected royalty that, historically, the threat of making a painful point has come from ripe tomatoes, easily stashed in a pocket, or shoes. Recall then-U.S. President George W. Bush on Dec. 14, 2008, when Iraqi journalist Muntadhar al-Zaidi threw both of his shoes at the Commander in Chief during a press conference in Baghdad. Quid anticipates a new round of whining when hacks working for this rag have to go to council meetings barefoot.

AND THAT’S ALL THE NEWS THAT FITS

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